Dear anonymous,
It has been almost a year since I've said anything here so bear with me. A lot has changed. I've changed. Grown. Or so I hope.
When I first started this blog, I wanted to be the anonymous blogger who shared every detail of her life with strangers. I was utterly honest, used real names and never hesitated to publish. Those things won't change. What will change is the content because,
I started when I was broken. Broken by the men in my life who let me down. Broken by a family I felt didn't appreciate me. Broken by my own thoughts and fears.
Today, I'm not that girl. I still struggle and my past still hurts me but,
not like it has in the last few years.
Today, I stand strong and tall.
I bare my scars with pride. I bare my soul with pride.
I do not hesitate.
There have been stories about Josh and his brothers,
about Ethan and alongside him, April.
I've talked about my sister and my mother and my father.
Friends like Lauren have been brought up.
I wasn't careful because I didn't have to be careful. I still don't but,
instead of stories about being heartbroken and annoyed and upset, I am choosing to just tell stories.
My stories.
The stories that matter to me.
The stories that make me who I am.
Get ready. This is an overhaul.
And I'm not hesitating.
Love,
Michelle
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, 23 January 2015
Sunday, 9 February 2014
Family ties?
Dear anonymous,
I have no realized just how ridiculous and annoying my sister can be. The fact that it is now 12:30am and there is fresh salmon being baked in the oven that won't be done for another 10 minutes makes me so peeved, I cannot even begin to explain. Especially since the salmon then has to cool before I can put it in the fridge, guaranteeing I will not be asleep until 1:30am. Then tomorrow morning she will force me to be awake to be at school for 9am. I mean, these are just the little things. There are such big issues I can't even comprehend and it is driving me up the wall. I can never live with her again. There is a good chance that it will completely ruin the very strained relationship we already have. It is better for us to stay apart.
/rant
Love,
Michelle
I have no realized just how ridiculous and annoying my sister can be. The fact that it is now 12:30am and there is fresh salmon being baked in the oven that won't be done for another 10 minutes makes me so peeved, I cannot even begin to explain. Especially since the salmon then has to cool before I can put it in the fridge, guaranteeing I will not be asleep until 1:30am. Then tomorrow morning she will force me to be awake to be at school for 9am. I mean, these are just the little things. There are such big issues I can't even comprehend and it is driving me up the wall. I can never live with her again. There is a good chance that it will completely ruin the very strained relationship we already have. It is better for us to stay apart.
/rant
Love,
Michelle
Monday, 27 January 2014
Cheap or savvy?
Dear anonymous,
As evidenced by various situations, my family is quite cheap. We buy things on sale and shy away from expensive stores (my sister and I occasionally being an exception to this rule). If we can haggle, we haggle.
It puts me off however, to work like this. The current situation is as given: my sister and I need a parking spot in our building. The developer is asking $125 a month which is typical for the city we live in and the fact that we live in a new condo building. There is a notice up on the notice board where a tenant currently holds a spot but is hoping to rent it.
Emailing him, he stated he was asking the going price. We offered to take his spot but asked for a discount. His response was to bring it down to $115 which is a 9% reduction. My sister looks at this price and counter-offers a price of $95.
Perhaps this is just me but, it seems very cheap to be asking for approximately a 25% discount. Understanding that we are university students with very little money, it is our choice to have the car with us as opposed to having it at home with our parents. It is also slightly cheaper for us to drive as opposed to taking transit but, this man is already paying $125 a month for his spot. It seems like we are cheating him.
Maybe it's just me.
Love,
Michelle
As evidenced by various situations, my family is quite cheap. We buy things on sale and shy away from expensive stores (my sister and I occasionally being an exception to this rule). If we can haggle, we haggle.
It puts me off however, to work like this. The current situation is as given: my sister and I need a parking spot in our building. The developer is asking $125 a month which is typical for the city we live in and the fact that we live in a new condo building. There is a notice up on the notice board where a tenant currently holds a spot but is hoping to rent it.
Emailing him, he stated he was asking the going price. We offered to take his spot but asked for a discount. His response was to bring it down to $115 which is a 9% reduction. My sister looks at this price and counter-offers a price of $95.
Perhaps this is just me but, it seems very cheap to be asking for approximately a 25% discount. Understanding that we are university students with very little money, it is our choice to have the car with us as opposed to having it at home with our parents. It is also slightly cheaper for us to drive as opposed to taking transit but, this man is already paying $125 a month for his spot. It seems like we are cheating him.
Maybe it's just me.
Love,
Michelle
Sunday, 26 May 2013
Living with depression?
Dear anonymous,
Living with Ash again has really made me notice how much I don't know about her. For the past few years I have known that she has depression. When we used to come home on weekends, I would notice the excessive sleep and the fluctuating appetite. I would pay attention to how many times she asked me if she had gotten fat or whatnot. Living with her for almost a month now though, I am really noticing it more and more.
I'm not going to lie. I probably have depression. It's probably more like dysthymic disorder (which is less severe than major depression but more chronic) yet, my sister has it so much worse. It's hard to live with it. She gets irrational and angry, she sleeps her days away, she is restless and often I see her struggling with herself. I love her though and I'm sticking around.
Love,
Michelle
Living with Ash again has really made me notice how much I don't know about her. For the past few years I have known that she has depression. When we used to come home on weekends, I would notice the excessive sleep and the fluctuating appetite. I would pay attention to how many times she asked me if she had gotten fat or whatnot. Living with her for almost a month now though, I am really noticing it more and more.
I'm not going to lie. I probably have depression. It's probably more like dysthymic disorder (which is less severe than major depression but more chronic) yet, my sister has it so much worse. It's hard to live with it. She gets irrational and angry, she sleeps her days away, she is restless and often I see her struggling with herself. I love her though and I'm sticking around.
Love,
Michelle
Friday, 24 May 2013
Procastination without a choice?
Dear anonymous,
My first midterm is on Monday and I've obviously not been studying as hard as I should have been. There is however, also the fact that when Ashley (my sister) comes home from work the first thing she does is turn on the television. I understand that we share the apartment and space is limited. Yet I work best in the evening. As you can probably tell, this doesn't work out particularly well for either of us.
I am no longer procrastinating by choice but rather by default because I do not have a space in which to study.
Failure will ensue, let me assure you.
Love,
Michelle
My first midterm is on Monday and I've obviously not been studying as hard as I should have been. There is however, also the fact that when Ashley (my sister) comes home from work the first thing she does is turn on the television. I understand that we share the apartment and space is limited. Yet I work best in the evening. As you can probably tell, this doesn't work out particularly well for either of us.
I am no longer procrastinating by choice but rather by default because I do not have a space in which to study.
Failure will ensue, let me assure you.
Love,
Michelle
Monday, 6 May 2013
Could I be happy?
Dear anonymous,
These past few days have been a mix of bad and good. Fighting with my sister = bad. Having a space without Ethan and April around all the time = good. Not having friends around = bad. Having friends that want to come visit = good.
Is it possible for me to be happy then? From these past few days, I just don't know yet. It's too soon to tell. What I can say is that I'm happier now than I was a month ago. So here's to feeling happy more often than not in the future.
Love,
Michelle
These past few days have been a mix of bad and good. Fighting with my sister = bad. Having a space without Ethan and April around all the time = good. Not having friends around = bad. Having friends that want to come visit = good.
Is it possible for me to be happy then? From these past few days, I just don't know yet. It's too soon to tell. What I can say is that I'm happier now than I was a month ago. So here's to feeling happy more often than not in the future.
Love,
Michelle
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Am I a bad person?
Dear anonymous,
Ashley, my sister, and I have been having a bunch of yelling sessions the last two days. Basically it revolves around her saying that I'm a bad person. Things like me constantly calling her stupid, putting her down, telling her that she can't do things like have her friends over are coming up a lot. I guess it's just making me wonder if I really am a bad person. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a horrible sister.
Love,
Michelle
Ashley, my sister, and I have been having a bunch of yelling sessions the last two days. Basically it revolves around her saying that I'm a bad person. Things like me constantly calling her stupid, putting her down, telling her that she can't do things like have her friends over are coming up a lot. I guess it's just making me wonder if I really am a bad person. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a horrible sister.
Love,
Michelle
Monday, 29 April 2013
Typical Monday night?
Dear anonymous,
I am currently seated on my bed in a barren room (other than the numerous garbage bags full of clothes and baskets full of crap) blogging about moving out. Am I a stereotypical blogger yet?
This is it. The last night that I will be staying in this place I have called home for the last 8 months. The posters are down, the photos are in plastic page protectors, the fairy lights are wrapped up in a box and the dressers are empty. Tomorrow morning, I'll take apart my wonderful IKEA bed and move the first of my stuff to the new condo I'll be living in. Wednesday morning the rest of it will go in a big 10 foot uHaul.
Wow. 8 months has flown by. I can't say I'll miss it too much. The year has had its ups and downs and living here has definitely has its ups and downs, too. Mostly I'm excited for the next chapter of my life. Fourth year, new condo in downtown Toronto, living with my sister, commuting back to school. It's all going to be so new. I have come to embrace new experiences though.
So here's to a fun move (not!) and lots of new experiences in the year to come!
Love,
Michelle
I am currently seated on my bed in a barren room (other than the numerous garbage bags full of clothes and baskets full of crap) blogging about moving out. Am I a stereotypical blogger yet?
This is it. The last night that I will be staying in this place I have called home for the last 8 months. The posters are down, the photos are in plastic page protectors, the fairy lights are wrapped up in a box and the dressers are empty. Tomorrow morning, I'll take apart my wonderful IKEA bed and move the first of my stuff to the new condo I'll be living in. Wednesday morning the rest of it will go in a big 10 foot uHaul.
Wow. 8 months has flown by. I can't say I'll miss it too much. The year has had its ups and downs and living here has definitely has its ups and downs, too. Mostly I'm excited for the next chapter of my life. Fourth year, new condo in downtown Toronto, living with my sister, commuting back to school. It's all going to be so new. I have come to embrace new experiences though.
So here's to a fun move (not!) and lots of new experiences in the year to come!
Love,
Michelle
Saturday, 27 April 2013
Parents or parent figures?
Dear anonymous,
Headed out to dinner soon with the parents for their anniversary and it occurred to me how rude I can sometimes be when I am talking about them. A lot of the time when I am telling my friends a story about them, I refer to them as the parent figures. Offensive, right? Well I just realised how offensive that really is. By calling them parent figures, I'm saying that they have no real role as my parents. Instead they're like the figure head of a company, who only sits there to be pretty. In truth, as children they were more parent figures than parents. We had an endless number of baby sitters because they were always working, we only went out with my mom on weekends (if that) and they never even taught me to ride a bike until I was 10. As an adult now though, they're parents to me. I can go to my dad asking for advice, my mom will make me care packages to take back to school full of yummy homemade foods, I periodically get calls from them both to wish me luck on tests and assignments and we spend time together. So I'm vowing not to call them parent figures anymore but, parents. Because that's what they are - my parents.
Love,
Michelle
Headed out to dinner soon with the parents for their anniversary and it occurred to me how rude I can sometimes be when I am talking about them. A lot of the time when I am telling my friends a story about them, I refer to them as the parent figures. Offensive, right? Well I just realised how offensive that really is. By calling them parent figures, I'm saying that they have no real role as my parents. Instead they're like the figure head of a company, who only sits there to be pretty. In truth, as children they were more parent figures than parents. We had an endless number of baby sitters because they were always working, we only went out with my mom on weekends (if that) and they never even taught me to ride a bike until I was 10. As an adult now though, they're parents to me. I can go to my dad asking for advice, my mom will make me care packages to take back to school full of yummy homemade foods, I periodically get calls from them both to wish me luck on tests and assignments and we spend time together. So I'm vowing not to call them parent figures anymore but, parents. Because that's what they are - my parents.
Love,
Michelle
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