Dear anonymous,
My first midterm is on Monday and I've obviously not been studying as hard as I should have been. There is however, also the fact that when Ashley (my sister) comes home from work the first thing she does is turn on the television. I understand that we share the apartment and space is limited. Yet I work best in the evening. As you can probably tell, this doesn't work out particularly well for either of us.
I am no longer procrastinating by choice but rather by default because I do not have a space in which to study.
Failure will ensue, let me assure you.
Love,
Michelle
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Friday, 24 May 2013
Thursday, 25 April 2013
Moving on to the next chapter?
Dear anonymous,
I'm done third year! Had my last final this morning and rewarded myself by buying a pair of beautiful white high top chucks.
Anybody else done finals?
Love,
Michelle
I'm done third year! Had my last final this morning and rewarded myself by buying a pair of beautiful white high top chucks.
Anybody else done finals?
Love,
Michelle
Monday, 22 April 2013
Is it really an addiction?
Dear anonymous,
Reading about addictions has me thinking about my own problems. It may be crazy to some but self-harm really is an addiction. You crave it, you try to heal, you relapse, you do ridiculous things to obtain things to cut or burn or bruise... it takes over your life. Constantly on the back of your mind.
Just thinking back, I can remember one intense situation where I wanted my razors back so badly that I acted insane. I had given them to my don so that I wouldn't be tempted. Then I had a really bad day (I can't even remember what it was anymore) but I really needed them back. I wanted to slash at my wrists and going into the kitchen to grab a serrated knife didn't work. Scissors also didn't satisfy the craving so I decided that it was worth it to get them back from my don.
It started out calmly with me asking him for them back (in the back of my mind, I knew it was a stupid thing because he obviously wouldn't return them). Then he obviously said no so I stormed into his room and began digging through his drawers. Needless to say, he wasn't very good at hiding them so within two seconds I had them in my hand. He was stood in the doorway and I just stared at him and told him to move. There was nothing on my mind except hurting myself and seeing blood run down my wrists.
I swiftly moved to pass him and he tried to stop me by hugging me. I literally tore away from him and ran upstairs to my own room. Thinking back now, that was probably one of the lowest-points of my cycle of self-harm. I still have the urges but I've been "clean" since before December. I can't tell you a particular date because I stopped counting days when I kept relapsing. It would just put me in a negative mood. I'm better for it now though. I have urges but I choose to fight them. And fight them I do. Every single day. I'm getting there.
Love,
Michelle
Reading about addictions has me thinking about my own problems. It may be crazy to some but self-harm really is an addiction. You crave it, you try to heal, you relapse, you do ridiculous things to obtain things to cut or burn or bruise... it takes over your life. Constantly on the back of your mind.
Just thinking back, I can remember one intense situation where I wanted my razors back so badly that I acted insane. I had given them to my don so that I wouldn't be tempted. Then I had a really bad day (I can't even remember what it was anymore) but I really needed them back. I wanted to slash at my wrists and going into the kitchen to grab a serrated knife didn't work. Scissors also didn't satisfy the craving so I decided that it was worth it to get them back from my don.
It started out calmly with me asking him for them back (in the back of my mind, I knew it was a stupid thing because he obviously wouldn't return them). Then he obviously said no so I stormed into his room and began digging through his drawers. Needless to say, he wasn't very good at hiding them so within two seconds I had them in my hand. He was stood in the doorway and I just stared at him and told him to move. There was nothing on my mind except hurting myself and seeing blood run down my wrists.
I swiftly moved to pass him and he tried to stop me by hugging me. I literally tore away from him and ran upstairs to my own room. Thinking back now, that was probably one of the lowest-points of my cycle of self-harm. I still have the urges but I've been "clean" since before December. I can't tell you a particular date because I stopped counting days when I kept relapsing. It would just put me in a negative mood. I'm better for it now though. I have urges but I choose to fight them. And fight them I do. Every single day. I'm getting there.
Love,
Michelle
Sunday, 21 April 2013
Still searching for me?
Dear anonymous,
Welcome to another angst-ridden blog by a young girl searching for her identity. Yes, I may be 21 years old and entering my last year of university in September but, as it turns out, I'm still a little bit lost. The world is a scary place, we all know that. I guess I just want to have something out in the world to look back on in the future, with as much anonymity as I can get from a public blog. So this is for me. And it's for you, too. Everything on here is going to be full disclosure. For your eyes only. I'm shying away from my friends and my family and telling you about my life. So here's hoping at least some of you will follow me on my journey.
Love,
Michelle
Welcome to another angst-ridden blog by a young girl searching for her identity. Yes, I may be 21 years old and entering my last year of university in September but, as it turns out, I'm still a little bit lost. The world is a scary place, we all know that. I guess I just want to have something out in the world to look back on in the future, with as much anonymity as I can get from a public blog. So this is for me. And it's for you, too. Everything on here is going to be full disclosure. For your eyes only. I'm shying away from my friends and my family and telling you about my life. So here's hoping at least some of you will follow me on my journey.
Love,
Michelle
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