Dear anonymous,
Recently, I met a guy at school at a TEDx conference through a mutual friend. We had a good day and he managed to get my number by very stealthily getting a photo with me (on my phone) and asking me to send it to him. Not sure if that was his actual plan but, either way he got my number. He then proceeded to message me to ask me to hang out when I was on campus one day. Since I'm only there once a week we waited until Thursday but, we ended up hanging out for a couple hours. To be honest, I was really nervous because he is really funny and sweet and great looking (cha-ching!) so I had my friend "run into us" and she ended up spending a couple hours with us, too. All-in-all I had a really good time and we have been texting back and forth since.
This week is majorly hectic for me: one homework assignment, two in-class finals and also a 6 page literature review. Three of the four are due on Thursday. Awesome. So when he asked me to go see Catching Fire with him this week, it killed me to say no. Instead I told him that we could go during our exam break because I would have more time. Well... turns out I am not the most scheduled human being and I have two papers and another final that week. This is what happens when I go to school at two campuses at once - two campuses that have different calendar days.
Either way, I am thinking I'll get him on a Friday and we can hang. I'm being social for once and I am actually enjoying myself! It's going to be a long week ahead but, for once, things are looking okay. I am connecting.
Love,
Michelle
Sidenote: Had a ridiculous "fight" with my friend that same Thursday I hung out with this guy. I replied to her the next morning saying I didn't want to half-ass a response to her while I was busy. She has yet to reply. We'll see where this goes.
Sunday, 24 November 2013
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
Is it even really a big deal?
Dear anonymous,
I used to think that losing your virginity was a big deal. As a girl, that's what we learn anyway. Our mothers tell us that boys who want to sleep with you aren't worth it. That you are worth more than letting a boy take what is most precious to you.
Precious. How many times have I heard my virginity being referred to as precious? The thing is, it's precious because we have labelled it so. There is nothing inherently special about my virginity. It is just a symbol of purity and innocence. At least it used to be.
Purity. Innocence. At the age of 21, both are gone. Purity is tainted with whiffs of smoke, dabbling in drugs and shots, shots, shots. Innocence is tainted by life. Everything from the first year you realised Santa's writing was the same as Mom's to someone grinding behind you at the school dance. There is nothing about me that is pure and innocent, still. Just because I still have my virginity does not mean I hold those virtues.
Virginity is my choice, don't get me wrong. It isn't something special to me anymore though. It just is. Like smoking leading to cancer. Like not drinking water causing dehydration. Like H20 being the formula for water. Like the earth being round. It is a fact. I am a virgin. That doesn't make it special.
Love,
Michelle Teo
I used to think that losing your virginity was a big deal. As a girl, that's what we learn anyway. Our mothers tell us that boys who want to sleep with you aren't worth it. That you are worth more than letting a boy take what is most precious to you.
Precious. How many times have I heard my virginity being referred to as precious? The thing is, it's precious because we have labelled it so. There is nothing inherently special about my virginity. It is just a symbol of purity and innocence. At least it used to be.
Purity. Innocence. At the age of 21, both are gone. Purity is tainted with whiffs of smoke, dabbling in drugs and shots, shots, shots. Innocence is tainted by life. Everything from the first year you realised Santa's writing was the same as Mom's to someone grinding behind you at the school dance. There is nothing about me that is pure and innocent, still. Just because I still have my virginity does not mean I hold those virtues.
Virginity is my choice, don't get me wrong. It isn't something special to me anymore though. It just is. Like smoking leading to cancer. Like not drinking water causing dehydration. Like H20 being the formula for water. Like the earth being round. It is a fact. I am a virgin. That doesn't make it special.
Love,
Michelle Teo
Sunday, 17 November 2013
Real?
Dear anonymous,
I think that sometimes it is hard to discern what is Real and Not Real. Today I re-read Catching Fire. It led me to think about the whole Hunger Games series, Mockingjay in particular. Now it has been a long time since I have read Mockingjay so parts of the novel are fuzzy. The part I remember best however, (apart from Prim's death because who can forget that...) is the 'Real or Not Real' game that Peeta and Katniss play.
There's a fine line, I think, that dictates what is Real or Not Real. Maybe the line is our arbitrary cognitions. Is it so strange to think that we can decide what is Real or Not Real? At the end of the novel when Peeta says, "You love me. Real or Not Real?" and Katniss responds with "Real", it is a poignant moment. Yet it seems as though Katniss cannot ever really say it is Real because a part of her will always love Gale. Or is it so arbitrary that she can say it is Real because it is possible to love more than one person at a time?
I am rambling. Mostly, I feel like I don't know what is Real or Not Real in my life. I spend so much time pretending and faking and being who I think others want me to be that sometimes I think maybe I'm Not Real.
Love,
Michelle
I think that sometimes it is hard to discern what is Real and Not Real. Today I re-read Catching Fire. It led me to think about the whole Hunger Games series, Mockingjay in particular. Now it has been a long time since I have read Mockingjay so parts of the novel are fuzzy. The part I remember best however, (apart from Prim's death because who can forget that...) is the 'Real or Not Real' game that Peeta and Katniss play.
There's a fine line, I think, that dictates what is Real or Not Real. Maybe the line is our arbitrary cognitions. Is it so strange to think that we can decide what is Real or Not Real? At the end of the novel when Peeta says, "You love me. Real or Not Real?" and Katniss responds with "Real", it is a poignant moment. Yet it seems as though Katniss cannot ever really say it is Real because a part of her will always love Gale. Or is it so arbitrary that she can say it is Real because it is possible to love more than one person at a time?
I am rambling. Mostly, I feel like I don't know what is Real or Not Real in my life. I spend so much time pretending and faking and being who I think others want me to be that sometimes I think maybe I'm Not Real.
Love,
Michelle
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