Time to reply?

Dear anonymous,

For the past month 25 days I have used the excuse that finals were coming and I didn't need more distractions than necessary. It has come to the point that I feel I need to reply to Josh though. To be fair I am moving in 5 days to Toronto so I could use that as another excuse. As I sit here watching Justin Timberlake sing Mirrors on Ellen though (sidenote: he is sexier than sex), I can't help but feel that it's not fair to not reply to him and keep making excuses.

The thing is... he took 3.5 months to reply to me. So in reality, is it about fairness? I think maybe I'm just pressuring myself to answer because I still don't know what I want. The pressure of replying makes me have to think about everything I don't want to.

Do I risk putting my heart on the line again? Do I trust him? Is there even a way things can be normal again? What happens if it turns out that he only responded to my letter because he is thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend? Will I let myself be the girl that he goes back to time and time again? There are so many questions. I don't want to face any of them.

Love,
Michelle

A defense mechanism?

Dear anonymous,

Lately every time I have a conversation with Ethan, I tend to be really sarcastic. Especially if he tries to be nice.

Example: tonight told me that he misses living in Roy Ivor, the building we used to live in. In reference to us being able to hang out. In response, I said that the only thing I missed was having a window (I now live in a basement).

Think this is a defense mechanism? Seems like it to me.

Love,
Michelle