Is it even really a big deal?

Dear anonymous,

I used to think that losing your virginity was a big deal. As a girl, that's what we learn anyway. Our mothers tell us that boys who want to sleep with you aren't worth it. That you are worth more than letting a boy take what is most precious to you.

Precious. How many times have I heard my virginity being referred to as precious? The thing is, it's precious because we have labelled it so. There is nothing inherently special about my virginity. It is just a symbol of purity and innocence. At least it used to be.

Purity. Innocence. At the age of 21, both are gone. Purity is tainted with whiffs of smoke, dabbling in drugs and shots, shots, shots. Innocence is tainted by life. Everything from the first year you realised Santa's writing was the same as Mom's to someone grinding behind you at the school dance. There is nothing about me that is pure and innocent, still. Just because I still have my virginity does not mean I hold those virtues.

Virginity is my choice, don't get me wrong. It isn't something special to me anymore though. It just is. Like smoking leading to cancer. Like not drinking water causing dehydration. Like H20 being the formula for water. Like the earth being round. It is a fact. I am a virgin. That doesn't make it special.

Love,
Michelle Teo