Getting harder and harder?

Dear anonymous,

At church this morning, Mrs. Kanerva reminded me that the Parker boys had all graduated and that Noah was valedictorian. This in turn made me realise that I wanted to acknowledge how proud of them I am - even if we don't speak anymore. So I went to the mall, bought a graduation card and wrote a little message for each of the three boys. Then I went to their house.

Let me tell you anonymous, my heart has never beat so fast. I felt like it was caving in on me. I couldn't get enough air in my lungs to breathe. As I walked up to their front door, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and the air disappearing. Then Noah opened the door and I swear my heart stopped for a minute. He looked... grown up. I had seen him in photos so I knew what to expect (yes, I Facebook creeped back when I had Facebook) yet it was still the first time I had seen him in years.

What a surreal moment. Knowing that so much can change in three years. I've missed watching them struggle through the awkwardness of high school. I've missed their first loves. I've missed their big decisions like sex and college or university. I've missed it all.

Have you ever felt like that? Like you could see every little thing you missed right in front of your face in two seconds?

Love,
Michelle