Last night I reactivated my Facebook account for the second time since June. Back in August I had reactivated it so I could coordinate a camping trip with my friends then deactivated it when it was planned. This time I have reactivated it to join a group for my morphology class to discuss and help each other with our assignment due on Thursday. I consider this the best option. To reactivate when necessary and otherwise stay off the site.
Here's the thing. Facebook does me no good. Not in the sense that it is time consuming or a method of procrastination or makes me feel like I need to connect with people I do not speak to or like... in the sense that there are people on Facebook that I am friends with or that keep open profiles that allow me glimpse into their lives.
These are people that no longer have any sort of true association with me. Except for the fact that we used to be extremely close. So maybe it is my own fault for not being able to control myself but I take the time to lurk them when I have reactivated my account. All this does is bring back the memories. And the regret.
This is an open letter to the Parker boys:
Dear Noah, Jacob and Oliver,
I hate that I have missed out on seeing you grow up. I always expected that I would still be in your lives when you graduated high school and went to university. I assumed that we would talk most days, if not every day. I never thought that I would have to watch from afar. It kills me that I don't know you anymore. That I can watch you grow up on Facebook and twitter but know nothing about you. It makes my heart ache to know that I haven't been a part of you growing up. That I haven't gotten to see you transition from being boys to young men. It all hurts. Every time I see a picture of you or hear about a story, all I can think is that I missed it. Every bit of it. And I suppose it's my own fault. I just need to say that I still miss you and I hate that I missed your biggest years.
Love lots,
Michelle
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